When I am sick I have a small attention span... therefore I can only watch movies featuring Nicholas Cage, Dennis Quiad, or Dwain Johnson, who will forever be "The Rock" to me because I am actually one of those super strange people who watched wrestling... but it was only for a little while in like the ninth grade. Stop judging me.
I know that this is probably a little much for you to take in right now. You're probably thinking "girl's first blog post and she's airing her dirty laundry of loving wrestling and actors who's quality of movies are considered 'ehhh' among the masses?" First off, like I said, wrestling was just a phase -you know like that experimental phase you had in college with Becky. Second, I didn't say I love these movies, I just said that when I am sick it is all I have the attention span for. So... let me tell you a little bit about a few of the movies I have watched the last few days. Also, you should know that currently Con Air is on in the background.
Let's start with The Rock's recent animated feature Planet 51.
In this movie, The Rock is an American astronaut who crash lands on another planet and gasp! is considered a scary alien by the people on this planet! Do you get it? It's clever because the green guys that we consider aliens are scared of humans and think that they are aliens and funny alien adventures, perspective is funny.
So, I am sure that there is supposed to be some message in this movie for kids about acceptance or wearing sunscreen or something... but I want to focus on something else - why don't the aliens have pants? And more importantly, why is the lady alien wearing a skirt? Are we to assume that only female aliens have genitals? Or is this a nod to our past of women's skirt wearing oppression? Or perhaps a glimpse into our future where men will become too lazy to wear pants? I don't know, but whatever it is, it bothers me.... but not as much as it bother's me to be forced to listen to The Rock's voice without getting to see his sweet, sweet face.
I chose that photo because of his sweet jacket.
*Spoiler Allert*
Next, and apparently sticking to an alien theme, Knowing.
Ohhh, Nick (I can call him Nick because we're close like that), you make such great movies. In Knowing, Nick plays a physicist who's son comes across a paper full of numbers from a time capsule and these numbers predict every major disaster of past and future ending in one that is supposed to kill everyone. Nick is going to try and stop it or something, but then finds out that his son is talking to aliens or something... Anyway, it ends with these two little kids and two rabbits being beamed up by aliens to restart the planet right before a solar flair kills Nick and the the world. Again, I'm assuming that there is supposed to be a message here, probably the one about wearing sunscreen again, but I'll tell you what I was distracted by.
Out of all people with a receding hairline, isn't Nick's the best?! Truthfully any thing that has Nick in it is distracting because of the awesomeness that exudes from Nick. Also, you should look at this awesome website!
Lastly, Legion featuring Dennis Quad.
Legion is not about aliens... it is about angels. God is pissed at mankind so he decides it is Apocalypse time and his weapon of choice is a legion of angels to kill this baby that is mankind's last hope. The Archangel, Michael, falls to earth to save the baby and scary things happen, such as people turning into spider like people and evil children. Then Michael's brother, Gabriel, comes to kill the baby. Michael and Gabriel fight, Michael wins stating something like "You did what God wanted, I did what He needed." ie: restore his faith in humanity.
Again, they are in the desert and there is a part where this guy's skin boils off, so I'm going to go ahead and say that the message in this movie is also about wearing sunscreen. Honestly, if there was anything more than that I couldn't follow it due the the attractive cast that I was constantly trying to remember what else I've seen them in (Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Kevin Durand, Adrianne Palicki, and Tyrese Gibson).
And of course, the great Dennis Quaid, who I love because he has been in such great films as... well... watch this clip and then try and tell me you don't love him - Dennis Quaid on Ellen.
Although according to Rotten Tomatoes, the three of these movie's combined ratings is 75... I enjoyed them in my cough medicine induced state... Also, I do have to admit that I have an unhealthy love for all three of these men... but maybe I'll talk about that another day...
I am going to go take more medicine now and watch another really classy movie. Hope you have a happy New Year. I'll leave you with this. You're welcome.
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