Movies by Memory: Valentine's Day Edition

Being a person that hasn't really enjoyed Valentine's Day since elementary school when I would over analyze the Valentines given to me by the boys in the class - "This one says 'You've Transformed my Heart.'"  Ryan picked this specific Transformers Valentine for me, he loves me!!

Well, since my elementary school days are over, I now celebrate this holiday by watching movies where people die... That's normal, right?  However, I decided to celebrate a little differently this year- instead of watching a slasher horror flick... I decided to watch a very awesome, highly under rated movie, xXx.

Although xXx sounds like a porno, it is actually an epic action movie staring Vin Diesel... which for my 15 year old self was porn (I seriously had this photo on my binder).  The plot of which I have no recollection of - Vin Diesel was an x-criminal who is hired by Sam L to find some stolen secret government machine or something... Mostly, all I remember is that at one point he punches a submarine and yells "welcome to the Xander Zone."  Which is apparently all you need to do to render a submarine useless.

The movie starts out with this Conan O'Brien look-alike stealing a computer chip and getting killed by some Russians, because Russians hate Conan.

(He does look a little like Conan, right?)

This transitions nicely into a scene were Vin steals a congressman's Corvette and drives it off a bridge while filming a podcast and parachuting to safety.  Basically, Vin is X-treme (see what I did there...)!

Sam L comes in and tells Vin (badass) that in order to stay out of the cage and be a wild lion (badass) he needs to do whatever Sam L says.  I think there is an analogy or something there, but because of all the bad-ass-ness it may have been a little lost on me.  Just so there is no confusion, Sam L (badass) is also a badass (badass).

Vin gets sent to the Czech Republic and continues to be a badass.  Except now he does it while wearing a fur coat.

He gets in good with the Russian bad guys because they also like to wear coats with no shirt under them.

It must be some badass fashion statement.  The shirtless coat wearing is followed by Vin doing some necessary stunts, such as (but not limited to) grinding down a rail on a silver serving tray and making sure to pose pretty while jumping a bike over a wall and shooting at bad guys...

Then Vin find out the bad guys have a submarine that shoots a biological weapon that will kill everyone.

Did I mention that this biological weapon is a lava lamp rocket?  Also, look at these extras.  Great casting.

In a no-way-relevant-to-my-summary-of-the-plot-point:  Check out these sweet death gauges.

Things happen, such as large explosions and bad Russian accents and bad-ass-ness... And then Vin punches a submarine while yelling "welcome to the Xander Zone" and saving the world.

"Welcome to the Xander Zone!"

And, there you have it.

Finally, just because I am sure you are all saddened by the lack Vin Diesel in your life as of lately, I have some great news for you!  Sit down and prepare to calm yourself... I just looked it up and Vin will be starring in another sequel to both xXx and Fast and Furious!  I plan on being there opening day.